this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
