smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
