Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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