At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm passing your future prison.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
