if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
