I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
