Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
