i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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