The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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