Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
