i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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