Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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