I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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