It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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