So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
