my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
