i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
