if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.