Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?