if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU