I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.