those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
