i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
