just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
