But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
