Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
