my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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