This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
