I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
