My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
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