I cockslap morals
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
