So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
