you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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