just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
