I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
