I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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