I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
