Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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