U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
