I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Please don't give away my fajitas
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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