I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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