I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
