I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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