Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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