Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
