You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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