you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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