I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize