you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
