I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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