my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
