were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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