you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
