mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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