I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
