i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it penis luge time yet?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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