Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
