i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
