I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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