this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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