They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
