She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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