1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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