So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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