Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize