This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
