I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize